I was thrilled to have contributed to a Washington Post article recently called “A parent’s guide to the rules of the playground” written by Caitlin Gibson

A few excerpts below:

“A playground is a place where kids figure things out, which means parents have to figure things out, too…

…

Your kid wants to go up the slide

What to do: Try to avoid the near-universal parental instinct to reflexively bark some variation of “We only go down the slide!”

As a parent of two young boys and the founder of play design studio Mischief & Wilde, Nathan Schleicher has spent countless hours at playgrounds — and he’s noticed that the slide often receives the most fervent parental monitoring. But there’s nuance here, he argues. Safety is paramount, and sharing is important, “so if another kid is coming down the slide, or waiting to take a turn with the slide, then don’t climb up,” he says.

But otherwise? Let your kid go for it. “I think parents tend to impose lots of rules on their children around how they play, and that’s such a bummer,” he says. “I personally love running up a slide, and highly recommend it.”

…

Children at the playground aren’t sharing or getting along

What to do: This can be tricky. Some squabbling and conflict on the playground is natural; kids sometimes address each other bluntly (to adults, it might sound rude, even when a child is really just stating a matter-of-fact preference), and there is value in letting children learn how to navigate social circumstances themselves.

But if a child says something hurtful, or is refusing to share space or playground equipment, it’s important for a parent to offer guidance.

“As a parent, I want my children to be really inclusive and kind, and so there are times when I’ve stepped in and just pulled them aside and said ‘Hey, this is what I saw.’ And then they can explain themselves a little bit,” Schleicher says. But he’s also aware that an adult’s intervention can turn something minor into a bigger deal. “I think there are also times where it’s important to let children navigate those situations themselves, and you might be surprised by how fast they can resolve conflict.”

…

Your kid has climbed to a high spot, and you’re feeling freaked out

What to do: Take a deep breath and remember: If your kid sees that you’re scared, they’ll get scared, which might actually make them less safe. And: If they were able to get themselves up there, they should be able to get back down.

Schleicher has seen how an exciting accomplishment can be quickly unraveled by frightened parents: He once watched a 5-year-old climb a 10-foot climbing installation at a playground, and the child’s parents were “really, really nervous,” he says. “The parents said ‘You need to come down,’ and ‘You’ve got to be careful,’ and it started to really freak out the kid who, moments ago, was really happy and had achieved something that they were quite proud of,” he says. Their approach backfired: The child was so rattled that he felt scared to come down.

Try to trust in your child’s ability — and if the distance between your child and the ground is making you feel woozy, “just go near them, calmly, and spot them,” Lansbury says. “Chilled-out spotting is your answer.”

…

Your kid is asking you for help climbing to an area beyond their reach

What to do: Don’t do it, and explain why: Just as we need to trust a child’s ability when they can climb by themselves, Schleicher says, we also need to trust their body’s limits when they can’t.

“When my kids ask for me to help them climb because they can’t reach something, I don’t help them get up to a place, ever,” he says. “If they’re not capable of getting to the space on their own, then they’re definitely not able to get down safely.”

In those instances, Schleicher explains to his kids that they might need to grow or practice before they can attain a physical feat themselves; they can come back another day — and try again.

“And that becomes a challenge, and they do want to keep coming back,” he says. “As parents, we tend to manage our children’s difficulties for them, and playgrounds are just a great space to not do that — to step back, to let them figure out how to manage their challenges on their own.”